Drained

Nothing can drain me like school can. Don’t get me wrong I actually like the classes I’m in and the material I’m learning but socially it is just so exhausting. Sitting in a classroom for hours forced to focus without getting distracted takes away all my mental capacity for anything else. After school, there’s nothing more that I want to do than sleep. I have other obligations and activities in my life other than school but I’m never excited to go to them after a long day of learning.

For example, I currently teach private tennis lessons to kids and once I’m there I love it. However, getting the motivation to get there for each lesson is so heavy. I feel like I can never get enough rest, but I also need money and like the kids I work with. My work-life balance is definitely unbalanced.

Weekends are a time for me to catch up on sleep, only for a little. I can sleep in on Saturdays, but not too much because I have to get all my errands done that I cannot get done throughout the week. It’s a day for cleaning the house, my room, and sometimes my car if it gets lucky.

I like going up to Trader Joe’s on the weekends to get groceries and some of their flowers but I also have to consider that it is going to eat up a big chunk of my time to do other things.

I want to start working out more and I just can’t motivate myself to get up and do it. I know I could just wake up early, but I also don’t have the time to go to sleep early enough to get enough sleep. I don’t know how the regular person does it. Maybe I am too much on my plate and really need to prioritize a small amount of things but I feel like that’s what I am already doing.

I have turned down opportunities that would make me money because I know I would be too overworked if I agreed to it. I’ve dwindled the responsibilities I have throughout Norman so that I can be more present when I am at home. So many steps to bring more peace to my life but none seem to work how I would like them to.

The only thing I am truly motivated for is school. I want to get good grades and I want to like school, but its effect on the rest of my life is so damaging. Believe it or not, I have considered dropping out but I know myself and I wouldn’t want to do a labor-intensive job so school is the only option.

I need to start prioritizing my mental health or everything will crumble. My problem is that I compare myself to other students who are involved in everything possible and are building their resumes while mine stays the same. That is something I need to start working through or I’ll never be rested.

Mental health matters as much as if more than physical health. This is the year where I enjoy every aspect of life and if I don’t like a part I will severe it.

Okay, that’s all bye.